His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
