her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
