I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i was born a porn star she said
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
