Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
