As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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