hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize