I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
