and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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