We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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