I got chris browned last night
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize