if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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