yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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