I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
