i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
