when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
