After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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