All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
