Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
