Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
