First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
