i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
