Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
