What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
