Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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