so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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