He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
