I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
