I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize