Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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