In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
