I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
