i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize