i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
