the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
