my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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