Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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