Me. At least after what I've been through.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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