i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
