just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
