Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
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