I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize