You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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