this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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