You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
