so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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