quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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