Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Randomize
