For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
