omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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