so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
