Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
