Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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