Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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