Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
