Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
