I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
