I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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