I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize