I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
