do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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