4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
