Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
