good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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