If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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